Cynical Christmas

A Slightly Cynical Christmas

The day before Christmas, 
My head's in a whirl, 
Clomping through malls 
With a two-year-old girl.

Rudolph and Frosty 
Are far from my mind, 
It's some weird talking Elmo 
S'Got me standing in line.

The crappy store speakers 
Playing "Joy to the World" 
Heck, I'll just be happy 
If my Visa's still good.

Mistletoe hanging 
On doors here and there 
But if someone dare kiss me 
He'll get decked "you know where!"

The cashier's dressed like Santa 
With a hat and a beard 
Both me and my daughter get 
Creeped out 'cause its weird.

Now don't get me wrong, 
I'm no Grinch, I'm no Scrooge 
But all this good cheer's 
Got me reaching for booze.

My gifts are now bought 
And we head for the car 
Visions of Egg Nog, 
Perhaps a stop at a Bar?

We dash through the snow 
And laugh all the way 
The joy of the season 
For a minute, got in my way.

We get into the car 
And of course it won't start 
And there is a funny, weird smell 
I think its elf farts.

So a quick text to Santa 
And his eight tiny reindeer. 
And next thing I know, 
We're high in the air.

And I waved to the mall 
As we rode out of sight 
And I thought to myself 
It might just be a good night