I want to weigh less than my husband!

I want to weigh less than my husband!

I don't want to be supermodel thin or even Sear's catalogue thin, I just don't want to wear the biggest sized jeans in the house anymore. In my defence, my hubby is pretty thin but let's just say he didn't carry me over the threshold on our wedding night.

I have been in a control struggle with my weight since hitting puberty, when my formerly thin, athletic build turned into a curvy hipped traitor with breasts. I fought it for years. First, by ignoring it, then by extreme exercise, and finally by hiding it with baggy sweat suits. Around 20, I just gave in. Apparently, I was destined for a Marilyn Monroe existence not the Kate Moss one I had always envisioned.

Big problem with giving in; once I stopped working out, Marilyn Monroe turned into Roseanne Barr. Eeeks! So began my lifelong relationship with the "diet". Back then, the Scarsdale Diet was all the rage, basically you starved yourself but ate meat. How on earth did I follow this? But follow it I did and lost enough weight that I could wear a size 8. Please note: I am not a size 8; Marilyn was a good solid 14. Of course, because it was impossible for my body to be this small the weight came back on, AND it brought some friends, lots of friends.

This was the first in a long line of diet failures: Grapefruit, Cabbage Soup, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach. Don't get me wrong, I lost weight on all of them but not for very long. One thing I did learn was that no one should ever say that fat people have no willpower. I ate cabbage soup 3 times a day for 3 weeks, if that isn't will power then I need a new definition.

About a decade later, I realized this was no way to live. My health was being affected and I think I could actually hear my metabolism grinding to a halt. I said, "the heck with the diets, I am going to start exercising and eating healthy." I stopped counting calories, got myself to a gym and finally started to drop the pounds. It took a good year but I finally had a body I was happy taking out places. I even got to the point where I would have had to take Marilyn's dresses in a bit. And then........ I got pregnant.

As thrilled as I was to have my beautiful daughter, I was back to Roseanne Barr, and my jeans are a bigger size than my husband's. So now it's back to salads and the treadmill. At least I know how to do it this time. Slow and steady. I just have to learn to hold it together when my husband, while eating potato chips, tells me he lost weight this week because he did too much walking at work. Hmmmm, I wonder if slapping him silly counts as exercise?